I’ve occasionally experienced a dream that feels so real, I sometimes find myself questioning its truth. This particular dream revolves around never actually having a Masters Degree, and is always a variation of accidentally missing one required course or being informed years later that my hard work was just a futile attempt at nothing.
I’m well aware of what this dream is rooted in. Sometimes the questioning of my role and what is best for my family feels heavy on my shoulders. I once worked in a field with communities so marginalized, that each and every day felt purposeful. I stopped working when Lucia was 14 months old, yet the phone calls for more work steadily came in. Slowly they stopped altogether.
The decision to be home full time has been a great blessings for my family. Yet, it is often easy to lose that perspective when the kiddos are arguing, there is still hardened play-doh on my floor, the awesome company benefits are long gone and so is my steady paycheck.
It recently took a family bout of a horrific flu/plague to remind me of the importance of my role as mama and the magnitude of our collective role as mothers. In our own sickness, we mamas hear through plaster walls and white noise makers. We rise to lessen fevers and soothe scared little ones. In the middle of the night, we move in whispers, back-pats and sways, to the natural rhythm of our homemade lullabies.
We listen intently to stories of hurt feelings and attempt to ease physical pain with magic kisses. We are the first ones called upon early (usually too early) in the morning – and the pow-wow always seems to take place on our side of the bed.
In mothering, there is no dissertation to defend, no articles to co-author in scholarly journals and sometimes judgement even within our own families.
Yet there is unparalleled joy, humility and abiding love. With children to raise and send off into this world, and characters to build and gratitude to help sow – our roles as mothers (in whatever form they come in) should never be doubted.
Sometimes perspective comes in the most unexpected ways.
Viva la Violette